January 2025 Women's Devotional Blog
How God Sees Me
Our women's ministry blog is up and running again for the 2024-2025 ministry year! If you are interested in being a contributing author, we would love to talk with you about that. Please reach out at women@gracecomm.org.
For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance,
but the Lord looks on the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7b
but the Lord looks on the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7b
At around the age of 45, I was meeting with a trusted mentor, Lee, and was sharing with her my deep grief around feeling unacceptable to my family and friends and a disappointment to God. I knew Scripture said that, somehow, God loved me, but I couldn’t wrap my head around the thought that He had enough love to accept me just as I was. Somehow, I had to work harder or “clean up” before He would really want to claim me. So spiritually, I worked harder and harder – and my shame got worse.
As I looked back over my life, I reminded Lee of how many people I had “let down,” just by being who I was! My Dad never seemed to accept me. My Mom had me on a diet from the time I was young and required me to wear certain clothing to hide my “weight problem.” My brothers thought I was just an annoying problem they had to share the home with. I had been deemed by my entire family as bossy and overly emotional.
As I looked back over my life, I reminded Lee of how many people I had “let down,” just by being who I was! My Dad never seemed to accept me. My Mom had me on a diet from the time I was young and required me to wear certain clothing to hide my “weight problem.” My brothers thought I was just an annoying problem they had to share the home with. I had been deemed by my entire family as bossy and overly emotional.
As an adult, my husband left me and our children after 10 years of marriage, for another woman and her children. He used everything he knew I struggled with as excuses for him to leave me. He told our children God would want him to be happy and he certainly wasn’t happy married to me.
At the time I was speaking with Lee, my young adult children were walking away from God, even though I had worked so hard to raise them in a Godly single-parent home. It felt that my life of striving to please God and man was all a waste of time. I was just totally missing the mark as a Christian. Since God really knew how awful I was, I accepted that He could never really love me.
At the time I was speaking with Lee, my young adult children were walking away from God, even though I had worked so hard to raise them in a Godly single-parent home. It felt that my life of striving to please God and man was all a waste of time. I was just totally missing the mark as a Christian. Since God really knew how awful I was, I accepted that He could never really love me.
Thankfully, God had led Lee into my life!
She challenged me to find a quiet place where I could just sit before God and ask Him how He saw me. First I thought, “Yeah. Sure. This isn’t going to happen. Why would God do something like reveal Himself to me when I am such a mess?” However, I had taken the challenge from Lee and decided I had nothing to lose.
The first three evenings of sitting quietly and asking God to reveal Himself, nothing happened. I knew God had “better things” to do than deal with me individually and personally. However, one evening, God did “show up.” I can’t say I audibly heard God’s voice. I think it was the Holy Spirit speaking in my heart. It felt like someone was pushing me out of my chair and onto my knees. Then I “heard” that voice say, “Get down,” and I fell on my face on the carpet.
Immediately in my mind I saw a throne with Jesus sitting in it, and with a pudgy little girl with glasses and long curly hair sitting on the arm of the throne. At first I felt sorry for the girl, as she looked just like me in one of my most hated photos from when I was young. Soon I realized it was me and not only was I smiling, but Jesus was turned sideways on his throne and looking right at me! He was also smiling, laughing and talking with me! I had never felt that kind of love, joy and acceptance before in my life. I wasn’t “bugging” God. He really wanted to be with me! The God of the universe cared enough to personally show me His love, even though He spoke it to me every day through His Word and the beauty around me.
The next thing I heard was, “See. I have no book, or transistor radio or TV, but I am totally listening to and enjoying you!” No one could know what that meant to me, except God. When I was small and my Mom would make my Dad hold me on his lap while she bathed my brother, Dad would be watching TV, reading a book, and listening to a game on his transistor radio all at the same time and that was my “quality time” with him. I had not thought of that for years and years and no one else would have understood that observation, but God.
Immediately in my mind I saw a throne with Jesus sitting in it, and with a pudgy little girl with glasses and long curly hair sitting on the arm of the throne. At first I felt sorry for the girl, as she looked just like me in one of my most hated photos from when I was young. Soon I realized it was me and not only was I smiling, but Jesus was turned sideways on his throne and looking right at me! He was also smiling, laughing and talking with me! I had never felt that kind of love, joy and acceptance before in my life. I wasn’t “bugging” God. He really wanted to be with me! The God of the universe cared enough to personally show me His love, even though He spoke it to me every day through His Word and the beauty around me.
The next thing I heard was, “See. I have no book, or transistor radio or TV, but I am totally listening to and enjoying you!” No one could know what that meant to me, except God. When I was small and my Mom would make my Dad hold me on his lap while she bathed my brother, Dad would be watching TV, reading a book, and listening to a game on his transistor radio all at the same time and that was my “quality time” with him. I had not thought of that for years and years and no one else would have understood that observation, but God.
I have no idea how long I laid there on my face, but the carpet was wet from my tears when I finally stood up. What an honor and a privilege that God, Himself, would allow me to observe how HE sees me!
No, I have not had that kind of experience since then, but I can close my eyes and see it all again whenever I start getting discouraged with myself! My Heavenly Father, the Great and Mighty Creator of the universe, loved me enough to break through my pain and show me how HE saw me -- sees me! As His daughter whom He loves unconditionally! I can do nothing to make Him love me more and I can do nothing to make Him love me less! I can now walk in His steadfast love!
This devotional was written by JoLene Lampinen. JoLene is a wife, mother, and grandmother to four precious grandchildren who make her heart smile in beautiful ways. Her gentle spirit is a breath of fresh air for anyone she talks with, and it does not take long to see why she is beloved among her friends, family, and faith community. If you need encouragement, she's most definitely your gal! JoLene leads a women's Bible study at GCC and also facilitates a Grandmother's in Prayer group.
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